"SUPPORT"!.. or lackthereof i *SHOULD* say.

to further explain the LACK of "support" that amanda gives me (pretty much so she doesn't go and take false credit for "helping" me get to where i end up..)- she only seems to find it CONVENIENT to "support" me when it's been proven to work and ALREADY BEEN DONE by me probably at least 15 fucking years ago. i'm sure if you're smart enough to look at the DATES of the rehabilitation videos on facebook of me practicing walking attached to a bungee cord from the ceiling, practicing walking at first and then walking with different walkers and i'm pretty sure it shows me also walking with trekking poles also since i spent at least 8 years of videos of me walking AT THE COURAGE CENTER (NOW KNOWN AS "COURAGE KENNY"). YOU try wasting years of your life for OTHER PEOPLE'S CONVENIENCE just so people who only feel like appearing "caring" and "supportive" can actually look like LOVING FAMILY MEMBERS. YOU try throwing away EVERYTHING you've ever done in your life (school grades, sports, and later on rehabilitation) JUST to make some people who only care about you whenever it's beneficial and/or convenient for THEM happy. this is one of the reasons why i say amanda lacks empathy. I KNOW DAMN WELL SHE WOULDN'T WANT PEOPLE NOT TO SUPPORT HER BECAUSE SHE WANTS SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR HER LIFE THAN WHAT HER FAMILY HAS GOING ON WITH THEM. i also forgot that in order to be empathetic.. you gotta be intelligent. so that explains everything.. and she acts as if she knows everything- while completely and conveniently IGNORING EVERYTHING i've done in my life to get where i am. i could be dead.. i could be in a nursing home.. i could be in a group home.. but NO, i'm living INDEPENDENTLY in MY OWN apartment. i've already been through the courage residence, then 24 hr. pca service, independent living in an apartment in st. paul with ics, now i only have a pca for 5 hours (i think) along with a few hours of ics. I'M NOT GOING BACK IN MY PROGRESS JUST SO PEOPLE WHO ONLY CARE AND SUPPORT ME AT THEIR OWN CONVENIENCE FEEL USEFUL AND/OR APPEAR "CARING" TO EVERYONE ELSE. A PERSON IS SUPPOSED TO GET MORE INDEPENDENT AND STRONGER WHILE THEY'RE REHABILITATING. if you had ANY empathy- you'd understand my stance. my grandma told me that amanda had "all these plans" for me- to help me get my driver's license again, get a job, and have me living in my own apartment in new york. i'm NOT a handicapped, disabled idiot that jumps at sorry attempts to look like people are actually "caring" for me just because i want ATTENTION (i'm not like my mom). I'M AWARE OF ALL THE SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH. I'M NOT GOING BACK JUST SO PEOPLE ACTUALLY APPEAR LIKE THEY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME BECAUSE THEY DON'T. ONLY WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT OR BENEFICIAL TO THEM!.. seriously, i don't have time for that shit. i'm not gonna decrease my capability and potential just for people who only are supportive if it makes them look "GOOD" or benefits them in any way. I DIDN'T LIVE THROUGH SIX MONTHS IN A DAMN COMA AND OVER TEN FUCKING YEARS IN A WHEELCHAIR JUST TO MAKE MY FAMILY LOOK LIKE THEY ACTUALLY FUCKING CARE WHEN NO ONE CAN ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE WHEN THE EMERGENCY ROOM CALLS THEM ABOUT ME. I COULD'VE BEEN DEAD. my mom answers the damn phone but she immediately gets all overly excited and starts crying.. when something goes wrong- CRYING WON'T SOLVE SHIT. it's not gonna get you anywhere. so i'm sure she does this shit for attention seeing as she seems to find it optional to show care towards me. CLINGYNESS IS NOT CARE. i'm not stupid enough to think it is. you're stupid for assuming that i am stupid enough to think that. IF i'm in good enough condition to talk to you on the phone- DON'T YOU THINK I'M OKAY?! go bother and act like you care about your other daughter since you obviously favor female offspring over male. this is a good time where i envy my brother. she (my sister) has a bunch of kids (grandchildren)! go make yourself look like a "CARING GRANDMA"!